aside from recent emotional catastrophe's and fallout, i have managed to write 16 pages.

its been Your Vegas' A town and two cities album, White Lies- To Lose My Life thats been dominating the ipod. I have thrown some AFI Decemberunderground on there though, and some of Depeche Mode's Playing the Angel.

I had my hair dyed again today. I went alot darker, which i am happy with.

I caved to the pop culture phenomenon and watched Twilight this weekend. Now, i read the first book in 2006, after i was trapped at home with a new baby and three small kids. I loved the first two books, and then just read the last two in order to finish the series. That being said, i did like the movie. I thought the character choices were pretty spot on, except for Nikki Reed as Rosalie. I just cant like Nikki Reed for some reason, and Edward only gave two distinct looks throughout the whole movie. What i thought the coolest, was the intimate scenes, and the fact that someone had actually taken this book and stayed true to it.

It has to be the coolest thing to see something from your imagination come to life on the screen, pretty much as you imagined it in your own head. Someday.....(i can dream)

We were going to go to the Contemporary Art Museum today until we realized it is closed on Mondays :(. We went to a massive candy store instead, and i bought Charleston Chews. I love those!!

falling apart

things are falling apart right now. things have been said and i'm pretty sure there is no going back. im just trying to figure out which was is forward at this point.

listening to: White Lies: Nothing to Give
and Your Vegas: Birds of Paradise

also. its a possibility that Morrissey will not being happening. i dont know if i care. i dont know if i care about anything.

breathing

so. run to your nearest music store, or plug in your ipod and d/l the White Lies album. I d/l yesterday, on the release date and i can't stop listening to it. And i am not the one to be into alot of UK bands, but this one's a keeper. Listen to : Fifty on our Foreheads, From the Stars, To Lose My Life....okay, really any song on the album.

so this week, i have learned that i do not have oral cancer (yay for me). I am in the process of drawing up a will and power of attorney (at the specific direction of my mom, who has been bothering me about it for at least a year now). it kind of sucks when you realize there is really no one you can entrust to carry out your wishes exactly the way you want them to. its been difficult. i am doing it with the thought that i will not be dying any time soon. :).

also, i went to the bookstore and picked up some books. i just love books. music and books. i remember when i was little i would copy stories out of books and pretend i had written them. i was probably 7 or so then.

i checked my flash drive which hold all of my writing, and i realized i hadnt written since 2/15. its been hectic around here, with sickness and whatnot. so i jumped back in and am trying to just get going with the hopes that i'll get inspired and get 30 more pages.

hmm. someone needs to make a photobook of Victorian Houses. Another thing i love. Someday, i will live in a huge victorian house with crown molding and a window seat and a stained glass window. it. will. happen.

i actually went for a walk yesterday. it felt so good to be outside, to just breathe air and walk. and i am not really an outdoorsy person. i mean i dont dislike it, but i'd rather be inside i guess. after i get my victorian house, i want a big yard away from everyone else so i can continue to live in my little bubble. untouchable.

im rambling. bye........

painting is relaxing

i like to paint. not artistically, per se. like as in painting the woodwork in my dining room. its relaxing. and yeah, if i had the time to paint things other than walls and such, would. i'm just going to say its not going to be any good.

i think ive probably spent at least 350.00 on doctor visits in the last month. yeay for me. thats with the insurance too. winter sucks.

in other news, the Morrissey concert is coming up. yay! i plan on devoting a week to him prior to the concert in preparation. cant be singing the wrong lyrics, now.

feeling better

im feeling a bit better. a couple of things....

1. E.S.T was finally released by itunes...its a song by White Lies. It feels like ive been waiting for forever.

2. AP Mag finally put some interesting new bands to watch in April's issue.
1. Pendulum- loud electronic rock with spare vocals and a big wake me up attitude. Listen to: Granite or Blood Sugar. prepare to be blown away.

2. (The) Delta Fiasco- UK band, reminds me a little of a louder VHS or Beta, love the upbeat songs. yay for me. music always makes me feel good. listen to : Death Letters or Paperhouse Remix.

i'm making another photo book on shutterfly for inspiration.....shhhhhh.

i'm throwing my arms around Paris

yeah, i wish. just listening to the new Morrissey

cd. my dog is chewing at the leash that i have hooked around my foot.

work sucked last night. i think i am just too slow. maybe i am just too concerned about making everything right, and therefore take too much time checking and rechecking, and in the process forgetting other important things. whatever.

its fun to be accused of going out on the town when youre sitting in front of a computer at 1am. right?

the above pictures are Camille Rose Garcia's. I'm loving my new books.

yeah so

its been ages since ive posted. its feels like ages since i have written also. sickness hit us hard and we're still breaking free. issues that were buried have since come to light again. i always think i am so good at locking things up in tiny boxes and not dealing with them but the truth is, thats all i do. i put them away and dont think about it. it helps for the moment, but doesnt change the truth. i was reminded yesterday how good i can be at becoming completely numb, like nothing can touch me. its all bullshit, really- the question is actually how long can i prolong the inevitable, because i have known nothing else for the last 8 years. somethings gotta give, and things need to be said, but there are some words that i will never let come from my mouth, because once they are out, everything changes. there will be no going back. i am not ready for that right now.

i realize that is extremely vague, but i dont feel like directly putting my personal life into this blog right now, at least not in details.

i watched "The Wackness" lOOOOOOOooOOOoooOOOooOOoved it.

in other news, i have not been listening to much music, so thats contributing to my dismal mood.