ive been SO sleepy lately. i hate when that happens. you know that sleep that overtakes you, like literally pulls you under....i struggle to stay awake for awhile especially if i'm trying to watch something or do something important. like the other day, it was my husbands b-day and the sleep came and wiped me out. i still feel bad.
btw, the basement walls are freshly scrubbed..yay. magic erasers for everyone!!!
i'm thinking i will have to wait to get the original tattoo...so now i am trying to think of something small to get next saturday...and its not hard, i mean i have a bunch of small meaningul things i'd like to get permanently on my body. and im not worried about what i will look like when i am older...who gives a f$ck? really. i only have two tats so far. one is on my back, and i got it when i was 18....and the other is on my right ankle which i got in 2007. its time again!
Song:"We have explosive" The Future Sound of London....i totally forgot about this group.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
its.still.snowing.
like snow if it doesnt inconveinence me. by the way i know i spelled that wrong.
The Crystal Method- Vegas. The whole album is my song of the day.
i'm going to scrub my basement walls. it needs to be done, desperately.
ALSO: The song CREEPS by THE REMOTE.
till tomorrow.
The Crystal Method- Vegas. The whole album is my song of the day.
i'm going to scrub my basement walls. it needs to be done, desperately.
ALSO: The song CREEPS by THE REMOTE.
till tomorrow.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
sad
i was watching a tv show on Logo yesterday about a group of gay activists who traveled around the country stopping at various christian universities to talk to students. it really affected me, just like the passing of prop 8 in 2008. the persecution that these people faced on their trip was sort of appalling to me, but then again not. i know what its like to not be liked simply for being who i am. i cant really imagine having to live my life in secret and in fear.
it actually makes me really angry. i mean people are people. who gives a damn what your sexual orientation is? a couple things that were said on the show really pissed me off. an administrator said something to the effect of (after not allowing the distribution of reading materials and pamphlets for the students) " its not about being homosexual, or heterosexual, its that we believe in the sanctity of marriage and sex to be only between a married man and his wife" (i put in quotes even though its not word for word). okay that statement RIGHT THERE is contradictory. and how could the kids at these schools ALLOW someone to dictate what they can and cannot READ!??!!??!!?!?!? fuck that.
someone also said "love the sinner, hate the sin"................which also affended me a little. i mean, how can you love someone and accept someone if you "HATE" them? seriously. i feel bad for all of the kids that are taught that their inherent nature is wrong. now, im on the fence on whether sexuality is something a person is born with (see, that gray area again....) or whether it is shaped by their life and experiences. i suspect it is a little of both. but imagine being hated for simply wanting to live an honest and fufilling life.
i have kids, and i am planning on being completely open with them on this issue, when the time comes. im not sure when the appropriate time is though. i mean, now? they are young. i want them to grow up honest and respectful people who can feel free enough to express themselves openly. i dont understand how people can disown their kids b/c they are gay/bi whatever. how could a person do that? a person's sexuality is just a small part of them. i mean, its not ALL a person is, and it seems like people treat gay people this way. as if they are only a sexual thing, and not someone with other facets. its all they can see. its sad to me that our country hasnt moved past this. separation of church and state? yeah right. anyway, thats my rant, and believe me, i could go on and on and on.
song: "Halo" by Depeche Mode, off Violator.
it actually makes me really angry. i mean people are people. who gives a damn what your sexual orientation is? a couple things that were said on the show really pissed me off. an administrator said something to the effect of (after not allowing the distribution of reading materials and pamphlets for the students) " its not about being homosexual, or heterosexual, its that we believe in the sanctity of marriage and sex to be only between a married man and his wife" (i put in quotes even though its not word for word). okay that statement RIGHT THERE is contradictory. and how could the kids at these schools ALLOW someone to dictate what they can and cannot READ!??!!??!!?!?!? fuck that.
someone also said "love the sinner, hate the sin"................which also affended me a little. i mean, how can you love someone and accept someone if you "HATE" them? seriously. i feel bad for all of the kids that are taught that their inherent nature is wrong. now, im on the fence on whether sexuality is something a person is born with (see, that gray area again....) or whether it is shaped by their life and experiences. i suspect it is a little of both. but imagine being hated for simply wanting to live an honest and fufilling life.
i have kids, and i am planning on being completely open with them on this issue, when the time comes. im not sure when the appropriate time is though. i mean, now? they are young. i want them to grow up honest and respectful people who can feel free enough to express themselves openly. i dont understand how people can disown their kids b/c they are gay/bi whatever. how could a person do that? a person's sexuality is just a small part of them. i mean, its not ALL a person is, and it seems like people treat gay people this way. as if they are only a sexual thing, and not someone with other facets. its all they can see. its sad to me that our country hasnt moved past this. separation of church and state? yeah right. anyway, thats my rant, and believe me, i could go on and on and on.
song: "Halo" by Depeche Mode, off Violator.
Monday, January 26, 2009
bleh
i love the above photo. its not mine, i take no credit for it. love the contrast and starkness of it.
i am pretty positive starkness is not a word.
im in a mood today. probably b/c i have to work, and i was sick yesterday.
listening to: Love is Gone (Fred Reister and Joachim Garraud Remix) Featuring Chris Willis by David Guetta. yeah, i know, long enough title. the vocals are pretty r&b for me, but the music and beats make up for that. its definately a club song....
blah blah blah blah...............................
Saturday, January 24, 2009
randomness
1. on a person's 17th birthday, counting from their first breath in this world, to the minute seventeen years later, they will have lived for approx. 536,11200 seconds. i looked it up on the inet. its not taking in leap years and leap seconds though, so thats why i said approximately. (did you even know there was something known as leap seconds? i didnt)
2. here are 7 of my favorite words.
ABSOLUTE
EXQUISITE
INTRICATE
FILIGREE
DESCEND
TRANQUIL
ICICLE
3. I actually wore through a pair of shoes. i dont think ive ever done that in my adult life. they were/are my rocket dogs, and they were/ are the greatest things. its like wearing slippers. anyone who knows me, knows that i take off my shoes immediately after entering my house. i caught myself all the time waering them and realizing that i'd been wearing them all day.
4. song of the day "Start the Machine" By Angels and Airwaves. I'm been listening to their I-Empire album practically all day (this song is off the We Dont Need to Whisper album). I'm not too familiar with the I-Empire album yet, but this was one of my fav songs off the earlier album. anyway. i love how they us random noises in their music, and the fantasically visual and visceral lyrics.
2. here are 7 of my favorite words.
ABSOLUTE
EXQUISITE
INTRICATE
FILIGREE
DESCEND
TRANQUIL
ICICLE
3. I actually wore through a pair of shoes. i dont think ive ever done that in my adult life. they were/are my rocket dogs, and they were/ are the greatest things. its like wearing slippers. anyone who knows me, knows that i take off my shoes immediately after entering my house. i caught myself all the time waering them and realizing that i'd been wearing them all day.
4. song of the day "Start the Machine" By Angels and Airwaves. I'm been listening to their I-Empire album practically all day (this song is off the We Dont Need to Whisper album). I'm not too familiar with the I-Empire album yet, but this was one of my fav songs off the earlier album. anyway. i love how they us random noises in their music, and the fantasically visual and visceral lyrics.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
just in case
what did i do today?
1. i got a bunch of cd from the library. you'd be surprised at how many cd's they have, and ones with profanity and other things one would fully expect to be banned from the library catalogue.
2. i wrote, and wrote and wrote.
3. i worked hard for a good 9.5 hours without a break. that i wont get paid for not taking.
thats about it. it was a boring day, although i did get my tickets in the mail.*YEAH*
a song? maybe later :)
1. i got a bunch of cd from the library. you'd be surprised at how many cd's they have, and ones with profanity and other things one would fully expect to be banned from the library catalogue.
2. i wrote, and wrote and wrote.
3. i worked hard for a good 9.5 hours without a break. that i wont get paid for not taking.
thats about it. it was a boring day, although i did get my tickets in the mail.*YEAH*
a song? maybe later :)
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
i forgot something
is it weird that i have a fascination with androgyny?
b/c i dont have a problem with it, i am IN FACT fascinated (see above) with it.
Guys that look girls/girls that look like guys. Well, not that exactly. I like people who blur those lines, and i suppose that i can trace this back to when was about 15. I am going to say Boy George is the one that started it all for me. I plastered my wall with pictures of him, which was relatively hard to do, seeing as i was about 13 years too late to have any actual photos of him. I remember find old albums at the record exchange and devouring them. his tragic relationship with Jon just sucked me in. The denial and rejection of it all. I just couldnt make sense of it.
I always find these androgynistic (is that a word?) fascinating and sort of mysterious. I'm not sure why, but i do know that for me, things are never just black and white. I am a shades of gray kind of girl, and i always see every possible side to everything. it frustrates alot of people. its just me. So these people who walk that careful line between the genders are almost always enthrall me with thier beauty. I am not talking about transgendered or transexuals or whatever. That is a separate thing. Women who take on a slightly masculine quality, and men who embrace their femine side, thats what i am getting at here, but maybe thats not exactly the definition of androgny, but i dont care. Its not sexual, at least not at heart, not at its core. Maybe its the rejection of something that is considered natural, normal? These people who are not afraid to be themselves, they should be celebrated.
b/c i dont have a problem with it, i am IN FACT fascinated (see above) with it.
Guys that look girls/girls that look like guys. Well, not that exactly. I like people who blur those lines, and i suppose that i can trace this back to when was about 15. I am going to say Boy George is the one that started it all for me. I plastered my wall with pictures of him, which was relatively hard to do, seeing as i was about 13 years too late to have any actual photos of him. I remember find old albums at the record exchange and devouring them. his tragic relationship with Jon just sucked me in. The denial and rejection of it all. I just couldnt make sense of it.
I always find these androgynistic (is that a word?) fascinating and sort of mysterious. I'm not sure why, but i do know that for me, things are never just black and white. I am a shades of gray kind of girl, and i always see every possible side to everything. it frustrates alot of people. its just me. So these people who walk that careful line between the genders are almost always enthrall me with thier beauty. I am not talking about transgendered or transexuals or whatever. That is a separate thing. Women who take on a slightly masculine quality, and men who embrace their femine side, thats what i am getting at here, but maybe thats not exactly the definition of androgny, but i dont care. Its not sexual, at least not at heart, not at its core. Maybe its the rejection of something that is considered natural, normal? These people who are not afraid to be themselves, they should be celebrated.
70095...or something
70095...thats how many words i have so far. Not me, personally, per say, because over the course of my life im sure i have uttered at LEAST 01075645342859707684635242122453645768797080808 words. But i have 70095 words of "When Stars Go Out", and there's the title...ive never said that to anyone. Ever. Moving on.
I have a follower. Its weird. Because who would want to read this? This is mainly for my own amusement, to somehow etch out my existence, to prove that i was here, thinking, doing, being.
I have written alot today, 13 pages, and the ideas a flowing from me. No wonder i couldnt sleep last night.
Song: (and I KNOW i am not a 14 year old emo chick, but i still like the song..)
Hey Monday "How you love me now". I like Cassadee's voice, its nice pure and even. This band will become the next Paramore (which i never got into) and probably drop from the scene in a year, but this song is fun to listen to, and to belt out over a wooden spoon while making dinner.
:P
I have a follower. Its weird. Because who would want to read this? This is mainly for my own amusement, to somehow etch out my existence, to prove that i was here, thinking, doing, being.
I have written alot today, 13 pages, and the ideas a flowing from me. No wonder i couldnt sleep last night.
Song: (and I KNOW i am not a 14 year old emo chick, but i still like the song..)
Hey Monday "How you love me now". I like Cassadee's voice, its nice pure and even. This band will become the next Paramore (which i never got into) and probably drop from the scene in a year, but this song is fun to listen to, and to belt out over a wooden spoon while making dinner.
:P
Saturday, January 17, 2009
2 things-
two extra special things.
Explosions In The Sky....an instrumental band. found them on itunes. its mindblowing really. and i usually need lyrics to make a meaningful connection with a song, a band, but they pull it off with just sound. you need your undivided attention to listen to "The Earth is Not a Cold Dead Place."
City and Colour- like the voice, lyrics, and the acoustic-ness of it all. its easy to connect to. mellow meaningful music. Listen to "Sleeping Sickness" and "Waiting...".
When i find bands like these, it makes me think: where have they been my whole life? How have i lived each and everyday without this? Enough of the dramatics.
I just watched the first two winner's videos from the AFI BeginTransmission contest. Hearing the winners on the phone as Davey called them was pretty funny. I'm happy for them too, the whole experience is going to be life changing, epic even.
Explosions In The Sky....an instrumental band. found them on itunes. its mindblowing really. and i usually need lyrics to make a meaningful connection with a song, a band, but they pull it off with just sound. you need your undivided attention to listen to "The Earth is Not a Cold Dead Place."
City and Colour- like the voice, lyrics, and the acoustic-ness of it all. its easy to connect to. mellow meaningful music. Listen to "Sleeping Sickness" and "Waiting...".
When i find bands like these, it makes me think: where have they been my whole life? How have i lived each and everyday without this? Enough of the dramatics.
I just watched the first two winner's videos from the AFI BeginTransmission contest. Hearing the winners on the phone as Davey called them was pretty funny. I'm happy for them too, the whole experience is going to be life changing, epic even.
Friday, January 16, 2009
minus 23
-23. thats what the temperature was this morning. im pretty sure that HAS to be with the wind chill. my dog went an entire day without peeing. seriously. he went from like 12am friday morning to about 11am today.
here's some icicle pictures i took.
i havent had much time to listen to music today, alas, no song of the day yet.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
tickets are mine!
yay! i just ordered my tix for Morrissey, they were presale, and not cheap (At least not to me) but what i can figure out, they are pretty good seats. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anyway. its freeeeeeeezing here today. school is cancelled :( and i have a meeting at work but its not bothering me right now.
song of the day: Iris: "Waves Crash in" (midnight sky mix).
Monday, January 12, 2009
itunes visualizer
somehow i have just figured out that there was a visualizer on itunes. i could watch it for hours in all it's crazy color-goodness.
the possibility of getting Morrissey tickets is looking up. i found a babysitter and tickets arent even on sale yet, which means i can hopefully get good seats if i get on ticketmaster early enough.
i had my hair dyed back to my supposed original color yesterday. i originally wanted to go red, like a auburn red, but it was too drastic. so i had her take all the the blonde out, which i am SO happy with. the result is a bronzeish brown color. i like it, even if no one else does. :P
SOng of the DaY: goin back to my hard house/happy hardcore years....."Cuz the house gets warm" by UK Gold, off the Keep it tidy 2 CD. LOVE THIS.
the possibility of getting Morrissey tickets is looking up. i found a babysitter and tickets arent even on sale yet, which means i can hopefully get good seats if i get on ticketmaster early enough.
i had my hair dyed back to my supposed original color yesterday. i originally wanted to go red, like a auburn red, but it was too drastic. so i had her take all the the blonde out, which i am SO happy with. the result is a bronzeish brown color. i like it, even if no one else does. :P
SOng of the DaY: goin back to my hard house/happy hardcore years....."Cuz the house gets warm" by UK Gold, off the Keep it tidy 2 CD. LOVE THIS.
Friday, January 9, 2009
all right then.
twenty pages later and chapter six is complete at 25, which brings the total to 149. its skin and bones really, but i'm moving on for now.
ive been wanting another tattoo, for like....a year and a half. i think i finally have the lyrics and image in my head. yay.
ive been wanting another tattoo, for like....a year and a half. i think i finally have the lyrics and image in my head. yay.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
bring on the comets
ive been obsessed with VHS or Beta for the last 3 days. I happened upon their Bring on the Comets Album, and it was revival. I had the Night on Fire album 2 years ago or something. I regret saying that the singer's voice sounds like Robert Smith. It does in a way, but after listening to it non stop, it sounds so very different.
There is snow. There is the prospect of seeing Morrissey in concert. I feel like i should go. The chance to see him for the first time would be like seeing NIN for the first time or something. Could it be considered a disservice to myself if i dont go? I am contemplating this fact, and am planning on using it as leverage.
I have ideas that are almost shapeless, i have an outline for this writing, but i am having problems with this certain chapter. Hopefully i can really gain some hold over it again, be inspired to be true to the story i was originally trying to tell.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
go
seriously. why are you not listening to my song of the day. ive listened to it- *like*- 14 times already.
vhs or beta?
no, its not 1986.
its the song of the day!
vhs or beta: "Can't Believe a Single Word"
Jump. jump. in. your. seat. it. will. make. you. move.
The Muse is baaaaaccckkkk. sortof. i got like 4 pages out yesterday. I also shopped Threadless today, which makes me happy. i recieved shoes from zappos yesterday, they are too big :(. i am going to hibachi tonight. yum. :P.
sorry for the excessive use of .'s and emoticons. im in a good mood.
its the song of the day!
vhs or beta: "Can't Believe a Single Word"
Jump. jump. in. your. seat. it. will. make. you. move.
The Muse is baaaaaccckkkk. sortof. i got like 4 pages out yesterday. I also shopped Threadless today, which makes me happy. i recieved shoes from zappos yesterday, they are too big :(. i am going to hibachi tonight. yum. :P.
sorry for the excessive use of .'s and emoticons. im in a good mood.
Monday, January 5, 2009
............
innerpartysystem is coming. i really need to see a show. the last show i went to was the cure in june. how sad is that?
heres a list of my top 10 songs in my itunes that are the most frequently played:
rabbits are roadkill on rt 37-afi
i'm not dreaming of you-de/vision
structure-innerpartysystem
maybe someday -the cure
youre not alone-saosin
synesthesia-afi
the perfect boy-the cure
turned to real life-shiny toy guns
what we will never know-ips
out of this world-the cure
now, you must know that these are the top played b/c occasionally i will get the urge to listen to a song over and over if it provokes a certain feeling, or inspiration to me in my writing. so yeah. there you go.
heres a list of my top 10 songs in my itunes that are the most frequently played:
rabbits are roadkill on rt 37-afi
i'm not dreaming of you-de/vision
structure-innerpartysystem
maybe someday -the cure
youre not alone-saosin
synesthesia-afi
the perfect boy-the cure
turned to real life-shiny toy guns
what we will never know-ips
out of this world-the cure
now, you must know that these are the top played b/c occasionally i will get the urge to listen to a song over and over if it provokes a certain feeling, or inspiration to me in my writing. so yeah. there you go.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
darkness turned to light
so i do have a new years resolution this year. i cant remember if i had one last year, but anyways. wait i have 2. first is to finish the thing i am writing. just to finish it. im 120 pages in and have taken a break due to all the necessary holiday stuff, but now i am trying to get back into the groove. im searching for inspiration through music, art and photography and compiling it. okay, the second thing i want it people who understand me. okay that sounds a little juvenile and angsty, but it is true. everyone needs and wants friends that understand them. right now i feel like i have no one. the things that are important to me on a daily basis just are not relevant for other people. i feel like people see me, but dont really SEE me, you know? and that sucks. or maybe its just that no one cares to actually take the time. im pretty sure my husband tolerates it, like he will listen to me go on and on about things, pictures, a random commercial, a lengthy and detailed dream, an intricate story of something that happened years ago. he listens, but it doesnt matter to him, and thats not his fault. he's just not like me, but that is one of the things i love about him. so i want actual connections with people, not just insignificant exchanges, simple and fleeting words that mean nothing.
song of the day, since i am in a sort of a mo0d:
Lifehouse: "Storm"
song of the day, since i am in a sort of a mo0d:
Lifehouse: "Storm"
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